The hits keep coming

I'm all talk. I spend 90 percent of my day talking and 10 percent taking action. I think it's time to reverse that. These past two weeks have been the two most annoying weeks of my life. Now that I'm 24 I thought I would past the high school problems, but they followed me. Living in my hometown has been the hardest part about graduating from college. I have no townie love left in me. I tried.

It's been two years in the same place and I saw a glimpse of my future and I didn't really care for it. I will be a success someday. Not everyone can say that. By this time next year, I will be in a completely new place. That's more exciting news then I've had in awhile.

Torchured artist period over

I know it's very cliche that all writers have a high alcohol consumption rate. But they do. I haven't written in days, weeks, or months because of what I like to call "writers block." It's actually because I was scared. I used that fear to knock back whiskey sodas in a local black hole of a bar. Don't get me wrong it's a great bar, the kind of bar that beckons you to make mistakes that force you to discover who you are and knock back way too many whiskey sodas. I had a relationship with this bar for the past two months. We just broke up. I thought it would get the creative juices flowing. What better place to find stories about people? This was the wrong thing to do. No matter what anyone tells you, the only stories you will find in a black hole bar will be about heartache. But I did find a great idea for a novel. My goal is to publish a book before I die. I'm starting the first chapter now and I'm excited.

Fear and I? We are besties

I don't know why I censor my writing. I used to be afraid that someone "Googling" me would find it and judge it. Or, my blog would one day hinder my job search. Both of those scenarios could happen. It's time to stop being afraid. Fear and judgment is a part of writing, you have to deal with it. I just went back and read my old postings and along with sensing the fear in my writing, I also saw failure.

I made a lot of promises to myself this year and I haven't kept them. It's time I listened to myself. By this time next year I want: to find a new job and try living on my own. I will miss people and my family, but I never have been so determined. It's time for the censorship to end.

Busy as a Bee

Damn you March, slow down. March is my birthday month, filled to the brim with events and work is more hectic than ever. This week in particular is a busy one. It's deadline week, so everyone is scrambling around to get everything done on time (which means the office is a wreck.) That's one good thing I've learned from work, how to deal with a frantic work environment. It's good I'm busy at work though, it gives me a nice distraction from other things in my life. I'm also going to NYC this weekend with my dad to see the play A Behanding in Spokane with two of my favorite actors, Sam Rockwell (future husband) and Christopher Walken. It's going to be an amazing birthday. We are talking the train into the city which is my favorite way to travel. I love seeing the historic sites around the Hudson River blurring past you and then you rush into Grand Central. Somehow it's like you instantly change with that train ride and you become a little tougher, a little smarter and just become a slightly different person. I love New York.

You've lost that loving feeling...

Here's the deal. I've given up coffee in exchange for tea in the morning. It's been two days. My head is ready to explode. Today I ran two miles and I may have looked like this:



Yeah, it's been an interesting week. I'm trying to stay focused at work while also building my professional portfolio. However, I've been wondering lately if I am actually helping people. My friend has a theory of trying to make one person smile a day, I hope I do that. This is mostly a I have to vent about nothing post, but it feels good.

Goal Tracking

Today, I had a taste of spring and I loved it. I did a little running today- outside! It was so beautiful this weekend and I love how weather can instantly improve your mood. I've been hibernating this winter and I'm more than ready to get out. I have two major goals for 2010. One is to establish myself as a freelance writer and the other is to run in a 5k. It's already March, so I better get cracking. I'll be tracking my progress through the blog. I hope I can do it.

I blame the Count

Today at work I learned that I do an awesome "Count" from Sesame Street impression. Let me explain, when you work in an office for eight hours your mind may start to wander. Then your computer screen starts to blur and you look for things to entertain yourself while typing away on the computer. This is what I do: I look for more work to finish and do impressions sometimes they are inside joke, like the Count or a more general movie star, I take requests from my fellow employees. In the midst of entertaining my co-workers with my amazing voice skills, I work extremely hard and get a lot done, but sometimes multitasking gets the better of me. Like today, for example, I made a mistake that could have been easily avoided. It's the week before deadline this week and my desk is stacked with folders, papers, and other writing materials. While looking for something on my desk, I accidentally mixed something up.

This has been the first mistake I've made at work in awhile. I know everyone makes mistakes, they teach this as soon as you enter elementary school right? I definitely remember hearing it all the time back then. However, sometimes I take my mistakes too hard and it throws my game off. I don't consider myself a perfectionist, but I do work hard at my job and when I make a mistake, it naturally bothers me. I know all I have to do is try and fix my mistake as best I can and that will be that. Then you just let it go. I think an important lesson I learned is to remember is always use humor and common sense and you should be able to solve most issues that may arise. And, always keep your desk as organized as you can. I will be testing this theory tomorrow. Everyday is a fresh start.

Conversations with the brother

I have two older brothers who are two of the funniest people I know and they tend to give me great advice, most of the time. Last night one of them came over for dinner and for some financial planning advising. (I was the advisee.) I'm really happy that I'm starting to plan for my future now, because even though I tend to try to live taking it one day at a time, the future is always something that looms in my mind. To be short, the future both scares and excites me all at the same time. I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. Something that scares me even more though is my estimated year of death that was included in the financial plan: 2076. That's morbid.

I pointed it out to my brother and all he said,"Yeah I saw that, pretty crazy right?" Yes. It. Is. Seeing that date sent a shock wave of panic into me. Even though 2076 is a very long time away and it's just a computer generated date, it still freaked me out. Basically, I thought to myself that it's time to really start living. My brother and I then started to discuss how I should be working as hard as I can so I can do what I love. I agree. I'm ready to do to that.

As kind of a side related note to this post, I read this great quote from on Esquire article on the movie critic Roger Ebert. Ebert lost most of his jaw to thyroid cancer, but still has a great outlook on life. "I believe that if, at the end of it all, according to our abilities, we have done something to make others a little happier, and something to make ourselves a little happier, that is about the best we can do." I'm going to try to keep this quote in the back of my mind, because I know I don't always feel this way and I think it's a really nice and simple way at looking at how you interact with others and how that can effect your own well being. I know it may seem like common sense, but I know I tend to forget this a lot.

How do you make it in America? By making dollas...

If you read this blog you know by now that I want to be a writer. And your probably like OK, we get it, you want to be a writer. Shut it. I hear you. The only reason I mention it so much is because it's what I want. So bad. In fact, this has been the only profession I could see myself in since the ninth grade. My ninth grade English teacher, Mrs. Marshall, would encourage this by writing, "Great paper, you should write in cursive because that's how writer's do it" on my assignments. I'm not sure what cursive has to do with it, but maybe Marshall was on to something. I still remember beating the child prodigy in a Romeo and Juliet quiz. (He was a violin player who appeared on Oprah when he was 12 and now works for the Los Angeles Philharmonic.... so go him.) I was so happy. Mrs. Marshall was psyched. I know it's kind of pathetic holding on to something that happened when I was maybe 14, but at the moment seeing that almost perfect Romeo and Juliet quiz, I knew. I knew that I understood writers and I have a bond with them. The only problem is I'm not the best writer. I want to get better and I know the only way is to work hard and write every single day.

This leads me to the new HBO show, "How to Make it in America." When I first saw this show I was like "eh." They seemed to being trying to hard. Every character is smart, a NYC stereotype, smooth, gorgeous and not at all awkward. In short nothing like anyone I know my age. (Although I do know awesome people.) Although, like most shows I watched another episode and I'm still not thrilled with the male character developments, there is one character I can see myself in, Rachel. She's a designer just trying to build her name in NYC no less and is in this limbo of "I don't know what I want or what I'm doing." Umm, yeah. Can relate. In tonight's episode she starts talking about her her ex roommate who is in the Peace Corp, "My old roommate is in Africa single-handedly solving the Aids crisis and I'm I don't know? picking up pillows?" This quote was even weirder to me because one of my best friends is currently in the Peace Corp. In Africa. I may not know what I'm doing, but just like the character of Rachel I have to keep going. You just have to keep going until you find something you love. Keep on trucking. (That's definitely my favorite 70's expression, by the way.) I may have nights where I come home and the last thing I want to do is write. But I will because I want to make it in America. Whatever that means.

It's not always easy to spark the creative flame

While studying public relations in college my writing improved, but in a straightforward and factual manner. While I was in college the last creative writing class I took was freshman year. The rest of the time was spent learning how to write press releases, fact sheets and other important public relations writing materials. As much as I needed to learn these skills and I feel there is an art to writing a good creative press release, I missed writing stories.

I used to write stories and never finish them, I have a whole folder of unfinished stories in a drawer in my desk from high school. Maybe one day I'll finish them. I always doubted that the stories will lead me anywhere. Now, I'm not so sure. Everyone has talents and I'm trying to find mine, I'm hoping writing is one of them. In the meantime, I'd love to work on my creative writing skills more, it will probably help me when I'm trying to writing interesting story introductions at work and I draw a blank.

Here are some tips I believe help increase your creativity.

1. It's pretty amazing what story ideas you can come up with at 3am. (I'm not saying stay up up til 3 am every night, but try it one night where you know you will be up later and just write what comes to your mind.)

2. The next tip is a bit similar to the first. If you happen to remember your dreams right them down. Any detail you can remember, you never know if these dream sequences could help launch an idea. Let me tell you, I've had some CRAZY dreams, like one time I dreamed I was a Velociraptor... I'm not going to get into it. Just trust me. Crazy.

3. If you get frustrated and feel writer's block emerging, stop what you are doing and go back to it later. Nothing hinders creativity more than frustration. The process should be fun and almost therapeutic.

4. People watch! There are stories all around you. Find one person to focus on (without being creepy) and imagine what they are thinking or what their life is like.

For anyone who reads this blog, you may have heard most of these tips before. If you have, I hope it was a reminder. If you haven't, I hope you try them out. I often forget that you can't force creativity to come out of you,even though some people are naturally gifted at what they do. I have to work a little bit harder at it and I can always use some inspiration. If nothing else, I think my press releases will start to have some more pizazz.

Hello February!

With my 24th birthday fast approaching, I've recently started doing a lot of thinking about my past and obviously my future. It's hard to write about who I am now because there is a strong chance that anyone who stumbles upon this blog won't know me. Just take my word for it. I am a completely different person than who I was two years ago. It has taken a number of personal events like graduating college and being thrown into the real world to make me realize who I want to be and where I want to go.

After college, you start to ask questions like, "What do I want?", "What do I need?", "What can I do to make positive changes?" (Not only within myself, but through others as well.) Once you go through that self evaluating process, life seems to change, especially because you are pushing yourself to make those changes.

One positive change I've tried to maintain in my life is getting healthier, both through my diet and exercise. I've recently started running and have never felt stronger physically and the mental improvements are coming as well. I've never been the best runner, but I've really been trying to stay with it.

If you are new to running like me, I recommend the Couch to 5k running program and DailyMile. Both have helped me stay on track. A month ago I could barely run a mile, now I'm up to running 3 miles straight. Running makes me feel alive and when I can feel my heart beating in my chest and the sweat on my forehead, it also makes me feel lucky to be alive. Finding something you love to do is a way to naturally improve your positive attitude. I'm glad I've found something to do just that. I've started to look for 5k's to sign up for, preferably one that helps support a charity, so I will be updating my blog with posts about my training up and downs.

The more things change, the more they stay the same

About one year ago I created a blog named "The Recession Proof Blog." That blog was a way to write about the stress I felt while job hunting during a recession and to vent about what was happening in my life. Then, I found a job and things started to change. Some things changed for the better and some things did not. As my life began to change, I neglected that blog. I consider myself a writer and I want to get better at it, so I will not neglect this blog.

It's going to be my one year anniversary at my job soon. I'm an Editorial Associate at a local magazine. Although, I feel very fortunate to have this job, I'm still looking for a new one. The pluses of my current job are: It's in the Writing/Public Relations field, which is what I want to do as a career, the commute is fifteen minutes,it's a steady paycheck, I get to work with a variety of people and I get to do something different and hopefully creative every day. The minuses are: Although the commute is great, I don't want to be in my current town any longer. I am going to be 24 this year and I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a new adventure.

Another big minus is that I don't feel as though I'm learning any new skills (I want to get better at Illustrator, Photoshop, writing, etc.)and I am the type of person who is constantly looking for ways to get better at what I do. So, I'm optimistic that with the experience I have gained through this job I will find one that is best suited for me and where I can make a difference in this world. No matter how small or large that may be.

That's what this blog will be about, my life and what happens in it. It may not always be exciting, but I know I will always have stories to share.